If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
