Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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