I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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