She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
