Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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