wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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