I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
