That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
