It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
