I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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