we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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