There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this will be a night to untag.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
