You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
