I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
