So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
