sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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