I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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