i need an iv and a liver transplant
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
