I puked a lego.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
