M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
