The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
