I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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