i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
