I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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