i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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