Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
