Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
