btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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