maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
