apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
