why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
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Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.