well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."