What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.