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why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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