my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
