Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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