Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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