Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
