He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
