My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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