I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
