just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How naked do you want me to be?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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