Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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