God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
