You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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