ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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