First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
