I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
