I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
