btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
