So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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