The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is the high leading the old right now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
