I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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