I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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