Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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