You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
