Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?