I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"