he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?