2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
