I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
