I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
