his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
