went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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