My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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