Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize