he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize