there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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