u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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