Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
