just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
pop tarts are not kleenex
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
