My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
