I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
