"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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