I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
