you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
