Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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